Mom, I just can't

Do you know?

What my heart telling?

Do you know?

What my soul saying?

This is it

This is it

That is not

That is not

My heart telling

She is the one

My heart telling

She will not leave you

She accept you

whoever you are

Even if you are a jerk

She won't say you a bastard

Her love is pure

The purity of her love

Give her strength

Grown me up

She is the one

who will see for you

even if you are blind

she never gives up

show you what world is like

She the one

who will listen for you

even if you are deaf

she never stops

be a music in your life

My soul saying

How much

Her tears came out

For your fault

For your stupidity

She never blames

None but herself

Even if that is your choice

She still put the blame on her

Even if you were born that way

She insists

This is her fault

This is her mistake

No No No

Thousands time of No

Beg you Pardon

That is not your mistake

That is not your fault

Mom

you are the greatest love

Nobody know how's that hurt

when you bear me

9 months

Mom

you are the most wonderful

who I am today

None but your lessons to me

Mom

Nothing could describe you

Even perfect is not good enough

Beyond the perfection

you teach me what life is

I might never

never gonna able

Be the one who

Could give you smile of proud

Could make you smile of happiness

Thousand Thank you

Deepest Gratitude

That is never enough

Show how I thank you

My Mom

One Shall Not?

"One shall not." Everyone must ever heard this phrases almost everyday. There is a rules that bordered human from doing things that breaking the rules. Here come the term "One Shall not". Human had to be bind by law. If not, there will be a chaos. Aesthetically, human were created with all sorts of abilities, feelings, thoughts, and emotions that differentiate it from the other creatures. Each human is created special and difference one from the others. Even the identical twins are difference. 

Meaning to say, everyone is unique on his way. So nobody may say that one is better than the others. If there is no term "One shall not" which mean everyone can do everything without any limitations, there will be a chaos. People may fight against others, the worst it endless world war. The world may at least in a little peace because of the laws, rules, and regulations we had. Imagine if the only rules in the world is the jungle law, the strongest rules. 

People will kill each other, fighting for power, even tough it is happening, can you imagine how worst would that be if people is absolutely free. That is why there is no total freedom. Even democratic State (what they  branded themselves) such as United States is not giving absolute freedom to the people. Freedom is make sense in certain way that could be controlled. Uncontrolled freedom will bring conflict instead of peace.

Why do not you make yourself a simple rule so that you could have life principle that will guide and lead?

I Shall Not Lazy

I Shall Not Arrogant

I Shall Not Greedy

I Shall Not Unfaithful

I Shall Not Reckless

I Shall Not Giving Up

I Shall Not Late

I Shall Not Weak

I Shall Not Smoke

I Shall Not Drunk

Boy or Man?

            Well, Let’s start this story with a feeling. All human being have feeling, despite of their age, gender, social status, or whatever it is. Human was created with feeling that able to describe happiness, sadness, madness, and so on. Any act deliver by anyone towards someone will bring the feeling along. Why am I so definitive tonight? I guess It has been a while since my last post in this blog. All actions will carry out a reaction that is the law of physics, when a person perform one action will involve their feeling, it depends on how much do one make feeling as part of the action they carried out. In reply, the object of an action will certainly give a reaction that will involve feeling as well. In short, no matter how, feeling is part of life. Especially for teenages and youths,they get trapped in their feeling very easy. Is it good? At the moment you happy with it, it will be felt very good. It will make you awesome, gain your confidence, and being legendary. Once your feeling is not right and did not get you what you want, that moment will bring you down, lost of confidence, and sad.

                Alright, let focus to the feeling from a boy towards girl, the feeling of boy towards girl is not necessary perform by a boy and girl, in fact, a lot of man act like a boy in the expression of their feeling. Strange huh? What the boy do is having crush on girl, kept it himself, do not dare to tell the girl, and being the “backstage actor” meaning to describe the secret lover. The boy usually will be having dream about the girl they having crush on, staring, good stalker, analyzing the girl. At some point, the boy become a very good analyzer, even better than them analyzed their studying. The boy is totally have no idea where the relationship will be heading. Boy never be serious, if they had to be in relationship, they are playing around with feeling. While man? In this term, what I mean by “man” is not a guy at the age of 25 and above. Although sometime the people at that age looks like matured but it is not necessary. Some people still acting like boys in their feeling at their 30’s. The “man” is someone who really know what are they doing, if they have feeling, they prefer to express it. “Say it”, that is what the “man” does. The “man” is not doing the “backstage actor”, not being secret lover, and having sense of serious and optimist in their feeling. The “man” does have a goal, has the idea where the relationship goes. The “man” is not experimenting with feeling but searching the feeling, not trying but looking for the one. Becareful with this “looking for the one”, a lot of boys using this reason to look mature, but in fact, they have a lot of “might be the one”

                The boy and The man, which best to describe you? Still experimenting or searching the feeling. That is up to you to choose what you want to be. Taking in your concern that experimenting will break a lot of hearts because you will find the “new is always better” compare to if you are searching, when the one come and you have faith on her, that’s it. Mostly it works if you are not experimenting. So, you have to make your decisions to be mature or will be still pre-mature all way long in relationship.

Perfecto

            As usual, early morning has been always a great time for analysing and thinking. In this little dorm, what a calm night, trying to express my thinking in this little space. As part of this world, human, has always been said as the perfect creation, the creation of human itself is a miracle regardless of the theory of Charles Darwin or any others. I am not discovering any other theories and not that brave yet to be a researcher to find the answer. A part from any religion or even atheist, human, are created to be special and always believed as the perfect creation. No any creatures as perfect as human in this world.

            But hold on, there is a saying told that “Nobody is perfect” but we are created perfectly. Why? Yes, at some point the world never be perfect. Because if everything is perfect in this world, then it will be too easy for human which in fact the strongest yet the weakest creature in this world. Imagine if the world is perfect, will human use their ability to the max. That’s big “NO”. Human always try to simplyfy anything in this world so they can burry their capability deep inside their foolishness.

            Back to the world “Perfect”. I am so interested with this world this morning. Have no idea why, can any human in this world do things perfectly without any errors? I doubt it, not the perfecto of the Creator, but the factor “X” that cause this perfecto never be perfect. What’s the factor “X”? That’s the temptation, why should there be? Simple, so human could dig their ability and strength deeper and deeper and one day can be a better person. The temptation will keep human on track to recognize how strong they are created and they must not stop developing their capability.

            Record showed that hardly any perfect thing in this world. If everything is perfect in this world then why should there be a heaven? If you don’t agree with the concept of heaven, you are not forced to, but just spend a little precious time of your life to think about it. Heaven is your dream and every single dream of anyone in this world always been perfect, so Heaven is perfect. Though in this world there is nothing perfect, but human is encouraged to find the perfection.
              Let's end this post with a quote from Jeannette Walls. " Nobody's perfect. We're all just one step up from the beasts and one step down from the angels."     


                                                          I realized this so I'd love to say:

A little thought early morning

              It’s just another day, another night, another hour. Yes, that’s exactly. I am trapped in this little corner called life. Was life is that narrow? No, sometime it is your own thought that effected your perception. In such student’s life, doing daily activities, studying, making friends, active in the society. Is this a good student’s life? I am still asking myself, and yet found an answer, and believe that it is. Alright, what’s the purpose of this writing I wrote in this early morning, after whole night spent on “studying” how to make goal? What’s the last word I said before the question mark? 

             Goal, yeah, that’s it! I believe that every single individual in this world have goal setting in this life. Life is up and down, hot and cold, dry and wet, wait! It’s not Ms.Katie’s song! But that’s true at some point, Life is hot and cold. The hot and cold, up and down, right and wrong, all are not releasable from a little thing called “Goal”. Life is rolling for us to implement our strategy to reach our goal. Nothing is able to run without a goal, without a vision. It’s as simple as a match between Juventus and Milan,22 players, one ball, all 22 minds thinking of a one shoot to create a “GOAL”! Then why it’s so important to have goal. Sorry, but no offense, Since it’s not a war, not a match, not a race, not even a fight nor competition but there is a loser. Loser is one that lives without a goal, and then they are not running on the track. 

           Come on, life is a competition, how can you pull yourself off from it? It’s just as simple as game. Well imagine you are playing  simple cards with your friends, will you play it if you do not have any goal? even if you say that it’s just for fun, but wait, won’t it be more fun if you have goal in that game? At least not to be the loser in the game so that everyone may plan a strategy to win the game and it will be more fun. Trust me, that’s how it works! 

         Warning! This is not an ads by “Goal.Sdn.Bhd” or “Goal Corp” but yet you work for Goal. Students, when they talk about what is they life mean to them, some pessimistic will answer it as simple as, “nothing much just study..study..and study.” Come on, is study a big trouble? Life cannot be separated from studying, at the end all the knowledge we gained from studying help us to create a strategy to reach our goal and shoot at the right point. Now, everyone in this University struggling and surviving for examination, some are studying hard, some playing hard, some do nothing. But just as reminder to keep our goal on, and don’t miss your track till the Goal reached. Be a good striker and shoot right to the point of your Goal! 

Caution! Never wake up if you don’t even think what’s your goal for the day!

 

Willingly

What? What?

Matter what they say

I, I, am here, alone lamented

Doubts about myself, 

my life would not hesitate

Is this the way, does she the one?

I am still asking.

It's hard for me to believe

Hard for me to receive

Although my heart wants to accept

But I can not

Oh love, is this the voice of your heart, 

your soul take the pain

The high walls that keep us

I do not care, I do not complain

I will demolish, tear down everything I do

Although lives are at stake

Indeed we are not a couple

Indeed you are not ready

It weigh for me to express

Words could not describe it

You inside me I give my pride

How meaningful it is for me

give it all

My heart, my soul, my honor

I give unto you the award 

For you willing to color my life

I am lost without you

I have been trapped in a prison love

how deep  the ocean

deeper inside I am fall in your arms, love

I know we are not yet lovers

I know you're not ready

But I could hope I can withstand this turbulence

Just trust and pray

Wish Allah could consent us

Believe me,

Hope we can together

Not just empty talk

But all our heart, soul, and my life

I am willingly let you choose, oh love

what is best for you

I happy to see you happy

Although I have to hurt,

Although I have to cry

Although my heart wound

One thing I ask from you

Do not despair

Do not give up

Fixed your heart

Because your spirit is my spirit

Look at the sun

It never stops shining

Giving life

Look at the stars

Beautiful 

coloring the night sky

There is no tomorrow who knows

We can only design

Only to Allah

Everything's back

There tomorrow because today

Today is the day that we live

Live the day with new hope

Glimmer of hope in the inner soul

The spirit that flows in the veins

my hope on you do not fade

I prepared if to be disappointed because of you

Ready me if I have to be sad because of you

Do not you worry

Do not be afraid

Because I never blame yourself

I blame myself for loving you

I blame myself, maybe this is my punishment

I am willingly accept it.

End of Love Searching

Reached the finish line of my love adventure
This soul not lonely for any longer
This heart is owned

I am at the end of  my heart searching
I never feel lonely
I am not by myself

I will marry you
I will take care of you
will beside you till the rest of your life

I will love you
will faithful to you
will beside you till the rest of your life
Till the rest of your life
Till the rest of my life